Last holiday season, my husband was unbearable. He didn't want to celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas, and he complained that he had to do both.

For him, the holidays mean rushing to his parents' separate houses and never finding time to relax. He also hates the commercialization and blames Hallmark for ruining everything.

"Christmas isn't about presents," he always says.

Despite his issues, we managed to fit in both of our families and even throw a fabulous New Year's party. But months later I still heard grumbling about how we didn't spend enough time together.

"It was our first married Christmas," he whined. "I'm your family now."

While we started our own little family when we married, I don't want to toss aside all my traditions with my family. They make me who I am; I want him to join in the history and fun.

But our traditions conflict, schedule-wise, and he's not the type to drive the countryside to rush for dinner or an event. He wants festive times on his terms, and I am used to doing whatever my mom wants for the family.

As the holiday season approached this year, I didn't want to deal with it. Who wants to hear grievances about their favorite time of the year?

I love to enjoy my small family over the holidays, just hanging out, eating, playing football, watching my brothers play videogames, shopping with my mom and just being festive.

I live in a different state and don't get to pick out the tree with them anymore or help my mom cook for the big Christmas Eve party. I have learned to sacrifice traditions to fit my current lifestyle, even if that means spending time with his family on the same night my family hosts company.

With all these concerns in mind, I wasn't about to overwhelm my fragile husband with too many holiday details.

This year I started the planning early to ease him into the idea that, yes, indeed we would be celebrating Christmas again this year.

But with Jack if I plan too early I'm making a "big deal" out of it and therefore the pressure is on.

"See, that's not what Christmas is about," he reminds me.

However, I was determined to spark the Christmas spirit in my Grinch, who lost his love for Christmas too soon in life.

So I came up with our own tradition this year. We're taking a day off this month to buy a tree, decorate it and hang out around the house just together. Each year it will be a day just for us, before the holiday frenzy, before our families line us up for multiple activities and we break the bank on gifts.

Before the tree arrives, it's time to deck the halls of our rowhouse in hopes that the wrong spirit will flee Jack's body. I have already put up lights, garland, snow globes and mini Santas. I think it's actually working.

When I came home from work the other day, Jack had turned on all the holiday lights and was lighting a Christmas candle, basking in the glow of the festive fever, no complaints at all.

Christmas is different for every person. What has worked for me in the past is not necessarily Jack's bag. But we are learning to make the holidays about us and both our families, mixing the old with the new to keep the spirit alive.

That's what Christmas is really about after all.

Laura Lewis is an adventurous newlywed who has loved, lost and doesn't mind sharing. Her column appears every other Thursday.