Webchat for Many Faces of Fatherlessness - WFSB 3 Connecticut

Webchat for Many Faces of Fatherlessness

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ROCKY HILL, CT (WFSB) - Here is the full transcript for the web chat on Many Faces of Fatherlessness from Thursday: 

5:55 Comment From Dana

Thank you, Kara, for bringing to light such an important topic for our communities everywhere.

5:57 Kara Sundlun 

Thank you. I think having an honest discussion is the first place to start. Awareness is the first step in healing.

5:58 Comment From Teresa morrow

Think story very 1 sided my sons ex doesn't allow contact lives out of state has served him paperwork taking away his visitation won't take his calls or online contact yet no problem taking his child support 450. Every 2 weeks so get it write no a dad problem maybe mom's should be held accountable for there actions

5:59 Kara Sundlun 

single moms are the angels, I know mine was. I do think we need to make fathers aware they matter so they don't flee like in your case, or in mine

5:59 Comment From Guest

Hi Kara, what do you suggest I take for the first step -- I know where he is, but I don't know the best first step!

6:00 Kara Sundlun 

If you know having him in your life is something you want take the first step. It wasn't easy in my case, I had to keep opening the door, but ultimately love beats fear, and we both healed b/c I chose forgiveness

6:00 Comment From Dana

Unfortunately sometimes if the parents are not able to communicate well, or do not talk or act respectably toward or about each other, it makes it incredibly hard to have a healthy relationship.

6:02 Kara Sundlun 

Yes, but we owe it to the kids to work at it. The number one indicator according to Yale researchers of whether a father stays is the relationship with the mother. My own mom had to work so hard at the forgiveness, but I'm grateful she supported me

6:02 Comment From Lee Freistat

I've often thought of writing a letter to my 3 children's absent Dad...who lives 20 mins away! Your piece may give me the courage to do it. I wish he was in their lives...my children say they don't care...but I know they do.

6:02 Kara Sundlun 

I'm so happy I have helped, I wish you well on an important journey to wholeness. Finding my dad was like finding the other half of me

6:02 Comment From Guest

All the talk about how important a father is in one's life....what about those of us who were left fatherless by his death?

6:04 Kara Sundlun 

That is so difficult. Research say there is a deep effect, but self-healing techniques like journaling and letting go of pain help heal. I have a piece on the science of forgiveness coming up on Better CT 11.10 at 3pm

6:04 Comment From Sonia

Hi Kara, I have not read your book and don't think I will as I am suffering from MDD but I just want you to know that I have raised two boys without a father figure in their lives since the older was 11.5 and the younger was 6.5 years old. They have satyed a way from drugs and alcohol and they have both graduated UCONN and are now working on Wall street as Computer Engineers, so not all children suffer from not having a father figure in their lives

6:07 Kara Sundlun 

Sonia, I was also an honor student and career driven, but when my father entered my life at 17 a healing took place that helped me feel more whole. Inside I became more stable. It can be different for everyone, but if they ever express the need to see their father it may help them. I am so grateful to my mom for her sacrifice and for allowing me to take my journey to find dad

6:07 Comment From Sonia

My children's father chose not to be in their lives and was not willing to meet me halfway between Waterford Ct and Somewhere Upstate NY for his visitation rights every other weekends.

6:08 Kara Sundlun 

too many men do this, I hope stories like the one we shared encourage them to take responsibility as their absence has such a great effect on a childs well being

6:08 Comment From Annie

You might think it has not bothered your sons, but I know when my son reached 45 all of a sudden it came out of the blue that all his life he felt he was missing something by not having a father in the picture

6:08 Comment From Lee Freistat

I think they do suffer, Sonia...some do silently. All of my grown children are doing well too...thank God...but its the little things throughout their lives that I just know they wish their Dad was present.

6:08 Comment From Sonia

My sons have just celebrated their 29 and 24 years birthdays in October and September respectively

6:08 Comment From Annie

I just ordered your book and look forward to seeing you at RJ Julia - love you at 3 pm.

6:11 Kara Sundlun 

Thanks Annie! I'll be at RJ Julia 11.18 7pm.

11.11 Mark Twain event full, but taking names for the waitlist I'll also be signing at various Barnes and Noble locations in Dec follow me on twitter @karasundlun or Facebook and I'll keep you posted.

6:11 Comment From Guest

kara when did you diced to write the book? thanks jack

6:12 Kara Sundlun 

i've always thought about it but started really writing 2 years ago. In part to honor my Dad who passed and wanted me to tell our story.

6:12 Comment From Sonia

To Lee Freistat I have taken them to get Psychiatric and Psychology evaluations over the years and I was told that they are fine.

6:12 Comment From Sonia

Kara, I had them meet their father face to face at their oldest uncle's funeral in Feb 2014. The older one is in connection and is trying to have a relationship with him but my younger son still wants nothing to do with him or anyone else on his paternal side.

6:14 Kara Sundlun 

I think the decision is personal, for me I needed to find my father and wanted him in my life. I recognize each relationship is different. My journey taught me we can heal broken relationships when we want to, and are willing to forgive. Forgiveness is not condoning the past it's releasing it.

6:14 Comment From jack

i see all of the man there including your husband are growing beards

6:14 Kara Sundlun 

that's for Movember..raising awareness for men's health:)

6:16 Comment From Lee Freistat

Thank you Kara...I'll be buying your book for more insight! :)

6:16 Kara Sundlun 

thank you so much, please let me how how you like it!

6:16 Comment From Jack

that's cool

6:16 Comment From Lee Freistat

Wow...we lead parallel lives Sonia...my children went to a Psychologist also..they are grown now but I still think they would have fared better emotionally if their Dad was around. Glad your children are doing so well...says a lot about you :)

6:17 Kara Sundlun 

yes Moms are so important, but I wish mine didn't have to work so hard. Dads need to help. I feel blessed Dennis is such a great Dad and my kids are growing up with more support.

6:17 Comment From Jack

is your book appropriate for teenagers?

6:18 Kara Sundlun 

Yes, it begins with my journey as a teen when I decided to find my father

6:18 Comment From Jack

thats cool

6:18 Comment From Sonia

Kara, I agree with on the forgiveness and the personal decision. I guess that is where my younger son needs the guidance but he is dead set against a relationship with his father and I have to respect his decision ad he is now and adult so to speak. Thanks also for letting me write with you. maybe some day I will heal myself and get to the point where I will be able to read your book.

6:20 Kara Sundlun 

Forgiveness doesn't have to involve the other person. It's a process that can be done without reconciliation. My next story show show a negative thought can actually depress our immune system leaving us open to disease. The process of letting go is freedom to live without anger, and change the script in your mind.

6:20 Comment From Sonia

Thank you Lee Freistat

6:20 Comment From Jack

you maried a great guy

6:20 Kara Sundlun 

I think so Jack:)

6:22 Kara Sundlun 

My book is available now as we approach holidays I hope it helps people think about healing family relationshipshttp://amzn.to/10rPGFp

6:22 Comment From Lee Freistat

very welcome Sonia

6:22 Comment From Jack

this cool

6:22 Kara Sundlun 

It's great to talk with viewers and hear what you think

6:23 Comment From Sonia

Kara, My MDD is genetic and has nothing to do with forgiveness. Their father and I have forgiven each other a long time ago.

6:23 Kara Sundlun 

I'm glad for you

6:23 Comment From Jack

i thought of dennis when i saw Gayle King with scott pelley for election day on CBS

6:23 Kara Sundlun 

she still calls him her TV husband and I'm so ok with that!

6:23 Comment From Lee Freistat

Thanks Kara

6:24 Kara Sundlun 

Ok folks 5 more minutes on the webchat, any last questions or comments?

6:25 Comment From Jack

when did you meet dennis , how long have you been with WFSB?

6:25 Kara Sundlun 

we met here when I started in 2000

6:25 Comment From Sonia

kara, Thank you for being such a NICE LADY both on and off the air. Keep up the great job that you and your husband are doing and also wish you much succes with your daughter.

6:26 Kara Sundlun 

Thanks Sonia, and my son:) both growing up so fast!

6:26 Comment From Jack

bye Kara

6:26 Kara Sundlun 

bye!

6:26 Kara Sundlun 

Thank you all for chatting, this has been fun and enlightening

6:27 Comment From Dana

Thank you!

6:27 Comment From Lee Freistat

:)

6:27 Comment From Sonia

Have a good evening

6:29 Kara Sundlun 

You too, good night all and stay tuned we'll be talking more about Fatherlessness and Forgiveness on WFSB. The piece tonight will air again on the weekend. and tune in to Better CT Monday at 3 for my piece on the science of forgiveness.

Goodnight.

6:29 Kara Sundlun 

also the links will be on wfsb.com if you want to share.


Kara continued her web chat on Thursday. Here is the transcript from the chat on Friday afternoon. 


Comment From Joseph.Wenzel

Thanks for all your work with this topic

12:39 Kara Sundlun 

Thanks Joe, we had a great chat last night, let's get it going again.

12:40 Comment From Guest

I just caught a passing reference to this topic on the noon newscast. Is there a link where I can read some details about your story, Kara, or can you post a few lines here please?

12:40 
Kara Sundlun 

Here's the story we just ran, http://www.wfsb.com/story/2...

12:41 
Kara Sundlun 

And here is more info on my book http://www.amazon.com/Findi...

12:43 
Kara Sundlun 

Watch a quick video on why I wrote Finding Dad http://www.wfsb.com/story/2...

12:43 Comment From Guest

I thought this was great! I just sent the link of the story to my co workers. We work with families whom have children with a mental health or behavioral health diagnosis and a lot of the time our families don't have a father in the home and or are not as involved.

12:45 
Kara Sundlun 

Science is now showing having a father affects not just the emotional well being of a child, but can even affect DNA. In the 70's and 80's they only studied affects of mother care. My mom was amazing, but I felt like I needed to find the other half of me

12:46 Comment From Guest

Absolutely! Thank you so much for this. My co worker will be taking a look at your book.

12:48 
Kara Sundlun 

Also I'll be on LIVE with Gretchen Carlson on Fox News The Real Story at about 2:45 today. Tune in!

12:49 
Kara Sundlun 

Hi ll I'm here and would love to take your questions or comments about the issue of Fatherlessness. Let's start a healthy discussion.

12:59 
Kara Sundlun 

Hi all, hoping to chat with you all, let's have some Friday conversation! I talk about the art of forgiveness in Finding Dad, how do you let go?

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